I dreamed a dream
... and it wasn't all good.
I rarely remember details of my dreams. When I do, it is something wonderful, riveting or simply perplexing to me. The latter was spot on for this one. This was how the dream went: My family and I were by the beach, and a surreal figure comes up to me and it's shy Mr. X showing his dopey smile. Deciding to join us without any invitation, being nice, chatty and simply trying to blend in with my family. I found myself waking up in a bad mood and my brain was instantly filled with incessant "Whys" beyond my control....
Why him?
Why now?
What for?
What the....??!!
A surge of feelings were suddenly unearthed from the nothingness or apathy, if you will - where we have decided to bury our past. Like an anxiety waiting to happen, I shushed my brain and slowly calmed down. The next thing I know I was saying a quiet prayer for him. Maybe he needs it? Unknowingly, maybe I did?
No matter how alien it feels for me to write, talk or even think about him - I wish/pray only good things for him. Sincerely. I know I am way past the self-pity, done with the resentment, definitely over the anger. I am fine and I feel whole again. I pray he is doing well himself and on a straighter path.
Things are how it should be. He is there. We are here.
As we were.
Life as usual.
I rarely remember details of my dreams. When I do, it is something wonderful, riveting or simply perplexing to me. The latter was spot on for this one. This was how the dream went: My family and I were by the beach, and a surreal figure comes up to me and it's shy Mr. X showing his dopey smile. Deciding to join us without any invitation, being nice, chatty and simply trying to blend in with my family. I found myself waking up in a bad mood and my brain was instantly filled with incessant "Whys" beyond my control....
Why him?
Why now?
What for?
What the....??!!
A surge of feelings were suddenly unearthed from the nothingness or apathy, if you will - where we have decided to bury our past. Like an anxiety waiting to happen, I shushed my brain and slowly calmed down. The next thing I know I was saying a quiet prayer for him. Maybe he needs it? Unknowingly, maybe I did?
No matter how alien it feels for me to write, talk or even think about him - I wish/pray only good things for him. Sincerely. I know I am way past the self-pity, done with the resentment, definitely over the anger. I am fine and I feel whole again. I pray he is doing well himself and on a straighter path.
Things are how it should be. He is there. We are here.
As we were.
Life as usual.
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